The first time I landed on Kulangsu, was with my first boyfriend, who I had never heard from since we broke up. During the 2-4 years we being together, we rarely had huge fights. Maybe twice or three times. I had felt sorry as on the way of finding myself, he came into my life in the period when i thought I was so weird so special that i didn’t deserve a normal person.

Now I’m grown up a bit and realizing I am an ordinary person, but I don’t feel sorry anymore not to say regretful, as I’m aware that I will always be against average even in the end I will just end up like any nobody on the earth, which wouldn’t bring us any kind of happy endings.

Compared to my other relationships, this was the most normal deal. He’s one year more senior then I was in high school; Same university town; spent time together in both his classes and mine; made out in the garden behind the class building on the campus; went to those cheap hotels around the university to have some not so great sex.

I cannot remember in which year of our relationship we came to Amoy. Only moments fragments on the island,

I was sketching a blueberry cheesecake in a café; We were having sex in front of a mirror in a hostel located on the hill top and i was so obsessed with myself; he didn’t shoot in the end. He never did during our relationship, and I don’t know why still. He told me I should not use the towel in the hostel for hygiene reason; The first time i read Walter Benjamin was in this hostel as well, one of the fragments collection;

These were what I can recall. This is all.

Again I’m on the island. I thought it was over commercially developed when i was here years ago and I was just too naive. After 3 years of covid. The only business type which can survive the high rent on the island are those super cheesy and cliche run by the local ppl who don’t need to worry about rent at all.

When natives (or not idn) stand at the doors and yell at you to grab your attention to their restaurants, this is the end of the island trip.

I had some intention to write something to him, letting him know how terrible it is now. I dropped this ideas as soon as i had it. What an attention seeker.